Friday, July 6, 2012
Where ARE all the Democratic Billionaires?!
Hope you enjoy this excerpt...
"Everywhere I go, concerned citizens ask about the November elections and what they can do to make sure that whatever it is that they’re terrified is going to happen, doesn’t. Therefore, as a public service, I am prepared to answer questions:
"I am terrified that President Obama is going to lose! What can I do to make sure this doesn’t happen?
If you’re living in a swing state, all you have to do is wave your hand and somebody will leap out of the bushes, beg you to put up a sign on your lawn, and ask you to become a volunteer. If you pick the sign option, be prepared for the possibility that somebody will steal it. We’re having that kind of election year. If you choose to volunteer, your assignment will probably be less exciting than you had hoped, but I have definitely heard reports about people who met their future spouse while licking envelopes in the back room of a near-empty storefront in a half-abandoned shopping mall."
"I am terrified that President Obama is going to win! What can I do to make sure this doesn’t happen?
"Oh, for heaven’s sake! Just look at the first answer. I’m not going to say everything twice to prove my evenhanded impartiality. This is the opinion section."
"How come the Democrats are so short on billionaires? Whenever you hear about some guy tossing $20 million into a “super PAC,” it always seems to be a Republican.
"I asked a top Obama operative that very question the other day. He sighed and said: “Our billionaires are principled. They all want to spend their money curing malaria.”"
"Do you think that’s it?
"To be fair, Republican rich people are also interested in curing terrible ailments. (Donald Trump once told me that he had been looking for a cause along that line but decided that all the best diseases were taken.) And the answer to the Democratic billionaire shortage is probably closer to what Alec MacGillis of The New Republic diagnosed as an “existential” problem, a rich-person contempt for the whole sordid mess that campaign fund-raising has become. It would so be the Democrats’ luck to get stuck with billionaires cursed with existential angst."
You can read the rest of the column here...